Untying The Knots in My Brain

The Fall

I can’t bare the pain and I want to let go,
The swish, swoosh and swosh as it washes away,
No more pain, no more brain, no fear, no me,
As the release sinks in, the happiness has a day. 

It arrives, then it leaves, and with it is me,
The swish, swoosh, and swosh, release of the pain,
Mine is gone, but departure is not free,
It brings a cloud of despair ready to rain. 

The cloud pours down on those that remain,
The swish, swoosh, and swosh, filling them all,
Flood warnings don’t prepare the victims,
They will absorb the pain released from me. 

So I suffer and endure and take the nights as they are,
I can’t bare the cloud on them all,
I’ve survived the intense pain so far,
Each day I remember, it’s not just me that will fall.

Safer to Not

Should I call?
Should I reach?
Will they be happy?
Will they ignore?
Safer to not. 

Invite arrived.
Should I go?
Or make an excuse?
Probably obligation.
Safer to not. 

How are you?
Do I tell the truth?
Do I know the answer?
Maybe I should say.
Safer to not. 

Would you like to…?
Yes I do.
What if I can’t?
I might disappoint.
Safer to not.

Escape

This is the place where the dark thoughts lie,
A secret location in which my depression can hide,
The shrinking light and the escapes glow,
Rattling ideas I want no one to know. 

I try and I try and I try at least one more time,
But release from the thoughts is impossible to find,
The echos peak as the world drifts to sleep,
No escape in the silence, my happiness screams. 

I no longer have goals or achievements in sight,
It’s survival I seek from night onto night,
I scare myself with the things that I find,
The thoughts prominent at the front of my mind. 

I need something to help me and show me out,
But I can’t ask for help, even when I need to shout,
I need release from my echoing thoughts,
I’m feeling weak from the amount of darkness I’ve got.

Release me, let me out.
Release me, help me shout.

All poems were written By Hayley Wragg

Photo by Molly Belle on Unsplash

See more of our poetry here.