They say, ‘gay men sleep around’,
the word’s synonymous with polygamy,
well if you push us underground
and surround us with vicious bigotry.
What else would you expect,
but a generation left traumatised
a society of men bereft
a theft of freedom, I’m not surprised.
A form of post traumatic stress,
six years of playing a part
in a world you understand less
the more you follow your heart.
For me, a night out in a bar,
a pub, a club, is not the same
it’s like a wound, a cut, a scar
is opened up, I hear my name
called, but I don’t reply
I’m feeling numb and drinking more,
I can laugh and smile and try
but my feet are at the door,
outside alone I search online
‘nearest gay bar’ ‘gay club near me’,
knowing exactly what I’ll find
and for the first time feeling free.
But I stay put, I feel afraid
I blink hot tears and cry a bit,
overthink choices yet to be made,
and fight the memory of being hit.
Oh yeah, for context I should say
last year I was attacked
as I kissed a man, because I’m gay,
homophobia still exists. Fact.
By Nick Slater
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